New podcast and the like

Yeah yeah it took awhile. I actually wrote this a month ago but never posted it - it seems to reflect my state of mind right now.

There was something about taking that sleeping pill and it not working that brought up a whole bunch of issues. A week ago, I was prescribed a sleeping pill to help me get through the night. I slept, but the next day I was a zombie, and then I didn't sleep at all the next night. I decided not to take any more pills! But since then, I've been really, really anxious and very emotional. I've actually gone back to therapy (I went during college), and a whole ton of issues just run through my brain right now.

The more I think about everything and talk it out, the better I eventually feel. Last night I practically had an anxiety attack, but I'm feeling alot calmer now.I figure that getting this out there on the blog is another step in actually telling people how I feel, which I how I got myself into this mess in the first place (that is, not telling people anything).

It's all this stuff, stuff from when I was a kid and deaths I never dealt with and being bi and god knows what else. It's a bunch, anyway. I recently wrote down my life, basically, I typed it out, and I'd forgotten (on the surface) so much of what had happened. I'm proud of myself, this is the time to really deal with this once and for all.

Of course, this will mean talking to/confronting people about things I'd rather not say, expressing my opinions more, all that. And for me, that's REALLY hard, and rather frightening. I'm probably going to be pretty emotional over the next few weeks. So just note that I'm ok, just dealing with crap. More posts to follow :P