Day 23

Is it wrong to be happy? I don't think so. And I'm much less anxious about it than I used to be. Bren came over last night (after a fun knitting class), helped fix my computer, much hugging and silliness abounded, and I actually started crying, full of emotion, and said, "I LOVE YOU! I love you!!" And it was true, and I couldn't believe it. I'm not going anywhere, I know that. I was hit on TWICE at the train station (that's a first for me) and I took so much pride in saying, "I'm quite taken right now, thank you." I felt happy last night.

As soon as I realized how happy I was, I felt more anxious. But of course! I'm not doubting the usually "am I really happy?". I'm just nervous about it. I guess it's kinda like, "Did last night really happen?" And I feel nervous about it, because it's alot. But I'm glad it happened. I'm glad I cried and said that because I meant it. And like I said to him last night, we're going to get healthy together.

Things I like
How much I like cartoons? Animation is my favorite medium after all.

Anxieties
Just what I said - being happy, admitting love - it's all really BIG for me to do that. It's not easy. I tend to question things, "Why am I happy? Should I be happy? Are there other motives for this?" I find that the less I worry about that, in the moment itself, the happier I am. I'm starting to see that you don't need a justifiable reason to love something or someone - it's what makes you happy that counts. But still, quite anxious!

To do list

• meeting with Health today
• try to plan a Dark Knight showing next week
• do at least 1 row of knitting (it's alot! ugh)
• show Bren the room layout thing
• play WiiFit
• ...music...?
  

Labels: each day