Day 63

Who am I?

I'm a big dork. I like video games and anime and such. I like getting really excited about things, anticipating things. I like showing people interesting things. I generally like helping people. I enjoy being creative. I like to cook but get lazy about it.

I like hugs. :) I like walking around and getting in the sunshine, though I'm not really athletic; I like to run and play and all, but wouldn't devote my life to it. I like stars and sunsets and flowers and other girly things. I like being loved. I like loving someone else.

I don't drink or smoke. I hate pickles. I like the idea of parties in theory, but not often in practice. I like going to concerts, but not as much as I wish I did. I like street fairs and open-air markets and festivals. Carnivals! Cons too. I like bringing people together under a common theme. So Anime Club, or getting people together to play a game. Though I like just talking too, but I don't like small talk.

I like learning things. I hate stagnating. I like moving forward. I like feeling like I'm doing something. Just sitting around is hard. I like planning things. I like having projects. I like to be purposeful.

I like having someone to bounce ideas off of. I like disagreeing. It helps me to learn.

I like traveling and seeing new things, but I don't like huge pre-planned tours. I like discovering new things, meandering towards a goal.

I don't like feeling a need to be told that I'm right or wrong.

I hate my friends sometimes. My parents, my boyfriend. Sometimes people really piss me off and I don't know why. I've never met someone that didn't really piss me off sometimes. I don't always like the people I love. I secretly fear losing all of them, though, because I'm so picky and angry. So I hide it.

I usually don't think that I can be truly happy. I think I'll stop myself before I get there. I fear that if I was really true to myself, and really got mad at people when I wanted to, I would lose them all. Despite hating on people sometimes, I care about them, and would miss them. Though sometimes I fear that I wouldn't, that I'd move on very quickly. I fear that I may be a very cold person.

I try very much to care about what people have to say, to be attentive and listen, to get into it. Maybe that's why I like geeking out. I like caring about things. Maybe that's why I get mad. I care enough to get mad.

I've just been going on. I'll stop.

Labels: each day