Maybe it's not as bad as the Star-Ledger had implied.

Labels: sports

'Cause it was fun and cute. :) I came home and was upset, this whole anxiety thing that I mentioned before, and we talked alot, I cried a whole lot, and there was much hugging. After this, we needed to get groceries. And sometimes doing those little chores is fun, we walked around and talked and pushed each other around which was hilarious. When we got back Bren said "Follow me!" and I followed him around the apartment, which was far too cute :) And then we ate pot pie and watched House and hugged and I fell asleep very quickly. :)

Let's spend money we don't have, shall we?

Now don't get me wrong - I love football, as we know. I'm not a huge college football person, but I definitely understand the surge of RU fandom as of late, after decade upon decade of losing, Let the Bells Ring, etc. But this is ridiculous. Rutgers, like all New Jersey state schools, has been losing state budgeted money for years now. The deficit has lead to class sections being closed, whole classes in themselves being canceled, no new teachers to replace those that retire, among a heap of other problems.

That isn't to mention the physical condition of many of the dorms and classrooms at the school. Only $11 million has been allocated for this. It's really a disgrace. The dorms on Busch are nice, sure, and the research-science classrooms and labs are doing quite well, but the humanities classrooms are very old and very cramped. RU really needs a new lecture hall or two more than anything else.

So now the school is borrowing money to fund this stadium expansion, which will have more luxury boxes, seats in general, it'll appeal to a higher-priced clientele. Meanwhile, the die-hard fans, mainly students, alumni, and locals, will be stuck paying the bill. It feels as if they don't "need" the students anymore, who used to show up because of free admission. They're beyond that, you see. Seat licences? Even the Giants don't do that...yet.

I wonder if this will turn into a Red Hook-like situation. You build up, trying to lure businesses and such, they come and buy luxury boxes, but then noone ELSE shows up (in Red Hook's case, growth stalled), the team isn't necessarily in a Bowl game, and it was all pointless. I almost hope that happens, maybe as an example for the whole state - you can't buy what you can't pay for, and you can't make students/taxpayers make up the difference without driving them away.

Labels: sports

Yeah yeah it took awhile. I actually wrote this a month ago but never posted it - it seems to reflect my state of mind right now.

There was something about taking that sleeping pill and it not working that brought up a whole bunch of issues. A week ago, I was prescribed a sleeping pill to help me get through the night. I slept, but the next day I was a zombie, and then I didn't sleep at all the next night. I decided not to take any more pills! But since then, I've been really, really anxious and very emotional. I've actually gone back to therapy (I went during college), and a whole ton of issues just run through my brain right now.

The more I think about everything and talk it out, the better I eventually feel. Last night I practically had an anxiety attack, but I'm feeling alot calmer now.I figure that getting this out there on the blog is another step in actually telling people how I feel, which I how I got myself into this mess in the first place (that is, not telling people anything).

It's all this stuff, stuff from when I was a kid and deaths I never dealt with and being bi and god knows what else. It's a bunch, anyway. I recently wrote down my life, basically, I typed it out, and I'd forgotten (on the surface) so much of what had happened. I'm proud of myself, this is the time to really deal with this once and for all.

Of course, this will mean talking to/confronting people about things I'd rather not say, expressing my opinions more, all that. And for me, that's REALLY hard, and rather frightening. I'm probably going to be pretty emotional over the next few weeks. So just note that I'm ok, just dealing with crap. More posts to follow :P